Good Family Man

That is what I work towards.

Please Don’t Say You Didn’t Have Time

August 22, 2014 by John Crosby Leave a Comment

Please, don’t say “I didn’t have time”.

Instead say “I didn’t make time”.

The change in the way you think about your time and weather you have it or you make it is huge. It changes they way you prioritize the thing you want to spend your time on. When you think about making time for things you plan to do the things you need and want to do. The other things will work out. Those commitments and the things that have to get done will get done. But, you need to make sure to plan for the things that are important to you.

This story from Stephen Covey’s First Things First habit is a great illustration of making time.

One day this expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration I’m sure those students will never forget. After I share it with you, you’ll never forget it either.

As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered over-achievers he said, “Okay, time for a quiz.” Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.

Then he smiled and asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was onto him. “Probably not,” one of them answered. “Good!” he replied. And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?”

“No!” the class shouted. Once again he said, “Good!” Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!”

“No,” the speaker replied, “that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.”

What are the big rocks in your life? A project that you want to accomplish? Time with your loved ones? Your faith, your education, your finances? A cause? Teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these Big Rocks in first or you’ll never get them in at all.

First Things First – Dr. Stephen R. Covey

Make sure you’re creating the right priorities for your family and your life. In other words make the time for the important things.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: time management, to do

5 Little Things You Can Do to Be a Better Dad

August 15, 2014 by John Crosby Leave a Comment

Here are five things you can start doing to be a better dad.

  1. Stop and listen
  2. Be the bad guy
  3. Do what they want to, when they want to do it
  4. Don’t solve the problem for them
  5. Put the device down
  6. Tuck them in

Stop and listen

When Aidan wants my attention, even if I’m in the office working, I’ll stop what I’m doing, look at him and listen to what he has to say. Now, I’m not perfect I don’t do this every time (I wish I did). He is also 11, so sometimes I need to interrupt the story he’s telling me about a baseball game he is playing on the Xbox to tell him that I have work I need to get finished. Doing this lets him know that I care about him and what he has to say. It also provides the opportunity to let him know when it isn’t the right time to try and grab someone’s attention.

Be the bad guy

Yep, it sucks, I hate doing it, but I have to let Aidan fail and deal with the consequences of that failure. More often that not I can’t help but feel like a big a-hole for doing it too. I do it because it will teachhim to stand up for himself, and that he is going to fail, bad things will happen, but it isn’t the end of the world.

I love and hate this quote at the same time.

That is what it means to be a parent – to teach your child to live without you. – Nicole Krauss

Do what they want to do, when and how the want to do it

Every now-and-then I’ll play Halo with Aidan. It used to be that I would be the better video game player. Not any more. Being a competitive personality it is very difficult for me to lose especially to an 11 year old. But I’ll let him school me all day, because he enjoys it. Not just the pure domination of him repeatedly blowing me away, but it provides me the opportunity to ask him questions and get him to teach me something. A skill that I know will serve him well int he future.

Don’t solve the problem for them

Similar to letting Aidan school me in Halo, I’ll let him doing things his way, even if I know a better way or that his way won’t work. He needs to fail, figure out where he went wrong and then fix that misstep. That is the only way he’ll become a better, more self-sufficient person.

Put the device down

For a long time I was distracted. Emails, status updates, things I needed to do and see. I couldn’t miss a thing. My face was always down in my phone reading what others were doing or what they needed me to do. That is fine when you’re working, but you can’t always be working. Take the time to disable your email alerts, turn off Facebook, or better yet, turn off the device entirely. I go the jitters the first few times I did it. It took some getting used to. But, when everything didn’t burn down and the world kept spinning without me there to make sure that was happening, a great thing happened. I got to present in the moment and enjoy the things that were going on right then.

One more little thing – you don’t have to take pictures of everything. Take a few photos, then put the phone/camera away. You’ll enjoy what you are doing more, and then you’ll have actual memories when you look back at those photos.

Tuck them in

The last thing is to tuck them in at night, at least when they are young. Luckily Aidan still let’s my wife and me tuck him in at night. It is a great thing to give him a hug and kiss and tell him to sleep fast every time you can. I’m sure for Aidan it is a comforting thing to know that that will happen every night.

Filed Under: For Your Kids Tagged With: dad, kids, todo

Come On, Get Healthy. It’s Easy.

August 8, 2014 by John Crosby Leave a Comment

No, really, it is.

If you’re like me, you’re overweight. If you’re not, congratulations, you’re ahead of the game!

Me, I need to lose weight, but not as much as I used to. That’s because I found something I enjoy doing that gets me moving. Nope, it’s not P90X, it isn’t running marathons, and it isn’t joining a gym. It’s easy, not stressful (it is actually calming), and it is free. It has also lost me 15 pounds over the last 3 months. You know what it is? Walking. I go for a walk for an hour a day. I haven’t really changed my eating habits, I haven’t started taking supplements, I just walk.

For me walking does lots of things:

  • Gives me alone time – I’ve gotten plenty of podcast listening in.
  • It puts me first, because I’m working on my health – I’ve said before I suck at this.
  • It gets me outside – sitting in front of a computer all day ain’t good.
  • I get to explore my neighborhood – I also get to meet my neighbors.
  • Gives me something I make time for each day – this actually help me plan the rest of my day too.

What is important is that you find something that you enjoy. I enjoy walking because of the list above and many other reasons. Go try it, maybe you’ll love it too. If you don’t, try something else.

Tip: One thing that has helped me since I’m fairly competitive is my Fitbit. I have the Zip (it was the cheapest). It gives me something to shoot for each day and week, and provides a little competition with my friends and family.

Some additional reading for you:

  • Surprisingly Deep Benefits of Walking
  • A Half-Hour Walk Can Make a Big Difference, Even If It’s Your Only Activity

Filed Under: Health Tagged With: health, workout

Do This For Your Wife As Soon As Possible

August 1, 2014 by John Crosby Leave a Comment

The next time you see your wife, walk up to her, grab her, look her in the eyes and tell her you think she is the most beautiful thing on the planet.

Your wife needs to know that you love her, that you still think about her, and that you want her.

Make this a regular, special thing. Don’t do it everyday, or do, it’s up to you, but make it special. Something that surprises her. You can change it up, send her a text, a letter, a post card, a facebook post, or a dancing monkey with a sign – the point is show her you’re thinking about her.

Now go do it! Don’t think about it, just go do it…NOW!

Filed Under: For Your Wife Tagged With: easy, quick tip, todo

3 Things That Will Make You Better

July 25, 2014 by John Crosby Leave a Comment

Being a good husband and father is a never ending process. There are a few things I try to keep in mind that help.

First, I try to not say “I don’t have time”. Instead I say “I didn’t make time”. It changes the way I think about things. It forces me to prioritize my time and how I want to spend it.

Second, I put me first. I suck at this one. I’m always making sure everyone around me is “okay” before I do anything for me. When I do that I rarely relax and that has a bad affect on my mood and decisions.

Finally, be present, now. I’m enjoying the cup of coffee I’m drinking, I laugh at the silly jokes my son tells me & I enjoy the meals I eat with my wife. It matters, when I think about the next thing I need to do or the work that hasn’t been finished, I miss important moments and my family doesn’t get all of me.

Like I said I try to keep these in mind. It is very difficult, especially when there are deadlines, and stress, and too much to do.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: hello, quick tip, to do

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