Good Family Man

That is what I work towards.

Get Out Of The House!

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I’m sitting here, in a coffee shop, writing. First time doing it too. Before now I never understood why someone would come to a place that is loud, with plenty of other people around, to get something done. My perspective was wrong. It isn’t about getting something done, well in the end it is, but the reason I’m here is for a change of environment.

Recently I left my job of 11 years and I’ve taken the last month off from doing pretty much anything except what I really wanted to. Side note – thankfully my wife is awesome, and has allowed me to do this with no complaints. Actually she has been one of the biggest forces keeping me from going straight back into work. The past month has been extraordinary, weird, stressful, fun, exciting, disappointing, and most of all revealing.

Revealing

Revealing in that I have really gotten to do everything I had thought I wanted to do but couldn’t for the past 11 years. I’ve found out there are things I wanted to do that I really don’t like and there are things that I had no idea that I would like.

Disappointing

Disappointing because I should have done this SO much sooner, I have wasted a lot of my time.

Exciting & Fun

Exciting and fun, well that one is easy, I’ve had free reign to do whatever I wanted.

Stressful

Stressful – yeah, it has been stressful. My brain has been so used to heads down elbows up hard work for the past 11 years. That stopped immediately. It took me a good while to get over that. Actually, I’m pretty sure I didn’t get over it completely. I think I’ve created work for myself to fill the void that was left. The stress is mostly gone though. Mostly because I still think about what needs to be done soon. I can’t be a stay at home dad forever.

Weird

This experience has been weird because for the past month I’ve been in situations that I have never in my life been in. I’ve had to go on interviews. I’ve had to convince people that I’m worth it to be hired to be on their teams. I’ve been turned down for jobs. All of this is very foreign to me. I’ve always done things in a very laid back manner and have been lucky for it to work out in my benefit. Now, I want to go make something of myself, to go where I want to. Not just where the next thing leads.

It has all be extremely extraordinary because I’ve be allows to discover and realize all of this. I’ve had the support and lots of goading from my family. I didn’t believe that I was actually allowed to do all of this. My family did some hard work to convince me that it was okay for it to happen.

Oh, geeze, that was quite a tangent. It was necessary though. I’m now able to tell you this story because all of this has happened. I’m able to do so in a coffee shop, because I’m comfortable enough to create the story anywhere. I also needed to come to the coffee shop because I’m tired of working at home. Yep, I’m working. This is part of what I want to do with The Good Family Man. I want to tell these stories in the hope that it helps you.

Sometimes You Just Have to Get Out

Aside from a couple of great days in the mountains, I’ve been working at the same desk that I’ve had for years. Sitting at the same chair. Trying out new things. Trying to write in new ways. I needed to get out of the house. So I did. Doing so has changed my perspective. It really did let me create the previous half of this article. The only thing I did was hop on my bike and peddle over to the local coffee shop, have a cup and some quiche and start writing.

The point of this story (epic, diatribe?) is to get out of the house. Change the habit. Try something different, somewhere different. Even if all you do is sit in a chair in the back yard, you’re going to see and feel things differently.

By the way, I’m not at a Starbucks, I’m at a local, small place that is in my neighborhood. Not that Starbucks is awful or anything, I give them plenty of my money. But, I do like giving to local businesses, especially ones that are in my neighborhood.

Please Don’t Say You Didn’t Have Time

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Please, don’t say “I didn’t have time”.

Instead say “I didn’t make time”.

The change in the way you think about your time and weather you have it or you make it is huge. It changes they way you prioritize the thing you want to spend your time on. When you think about making time for things you plan to do the things you need and want to do. The other things will work out. Those commitments and the things that have to get done will get done. But, you need to make sure to plan for the things that are important to you.

This story from Stephen Covey’s First Things First habit is a great illustration of making time.

One day this expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration I’m sure those students will never forget. After I share it with you, you’ll never forget it either.

As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered over-achievers he said, “Okay, time for a quiz.” Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.

Then he smiled and asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was onto him. “Probably not,” one of them answered. “Good!” he replied. And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?”

“No!” the class shouted. Once again he said, “Good!” Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!”

“No,” the speaker replied, “that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.”

What are the big rocks in your life? A project that you want to accomplish? Time with your loved ones? Your faith, your education, your finances? A cause? Teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these Big Rocks in first or you’ll never get them in at all.

First Things First – Dr. Stephen R. Covey

Make sure you’re creating the right priorities for your family and your life. In other words make the time for the important things.

3 Things That Will Make You Better

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Being a good husband and father is a never ending process. There are a few things I try to keep in mind that help.

First, I try to not say “I don’t have time”. Instead I say “I didn’t make time”. It changes the way I think about things. It forces me to prioritize my time and how I want to spend it.

Second, I put me first. I suck at this one. I’m always making sure everyone around me is “okay” before I do anything for me. When I do that I rarely relax and that has a bad affect on my mood and decisions.

Finally, be present, now. I’m enjoying the cup of coffee I’m drinking, I laugh at the silly jokes my son tells me & I enjoy the meals I eat with my wife. It matters, when I think about the next thing I need to do or the work that hasn’t been finished, I miss important moments and my family doesn’t get all of me.

Like I said I try to keep these in mind. It is very difficult, especially when there are deadlines, and stress, and too much to do.